All of last week, I can honestly say that the approach to releasing the album didn't really feel special. We'd been sat on it for a while, and I almost felt numb I guess? I just wanted the material to be out there, and I thought that once it was it'd just feel like one less thing to focus on. No real internal release, no weight off my shoulders, just another thing that happened during my week. I was very wrong. As soon as it hit midnight and I realised it was out, I emotionally crumbled. The sheer realisation that something we'd worked so hard on was finally in the public domain completely flooded my senses and I didn't really know what to do with myself. I almost had an outer body experience where all the weight within me just lifted. I felt like I was floating. I can't really explain it any other way that I felt completely weightless, carefree. I was just hovering in that realisation. And it was very overwhelming. Messages from friends started to appear in my inbox, all complimentary, all saying something along the lines of "you should be proud". I honestly don't think I've ever had this much support and praise from anybody about anything I've done in my life, and I didn't really know what to do with all of this. I still don't. It all feels very alien. Nothing I've done with my life has felt like this before.
I managed to eventually get some sleep, and I woke up to more complimentary messages. People sharing screenshots of their Spotify app playing our album, people taking pictures of their album pre-orders that had turned up on their doorstep. And then I started getting messages about Gonvena. I wasn't ready for these messages. For those unaware, Gonvena is a track on the album that I wrote about my mums death. The name comes from two things. The first is a place in Cornwall we visited a few times when I was growing up. The second is the name of my Granddad's house, the house my mum grew up in. My Granddad has outlived two wives and his daughter, he's had various types of cancer and survived them all, he's an incredible and inspiring human being. But it's all taken it's toll and he's now quite frail, and had to move out of his beloved house. Naming the song Gonvena was my way of keeping mum and my Granddad together. I'd been listening to this song for months, but this was new to everybody else, and it's now impossible for me to listen to. The way I feel about my mum passing appears to have been portrayed in the song, and the support and praise I've had for that in particular has been a lot to take in. I was not expecting a response like this at all. From Friday onwards I've done a lot of crying and I'm not ashamed to say that. When it comes to my feelings, I am a bottler. I push everything real far down so no one can see I'm struggling. Releasing this album and, in particular that song, has allowed me to let everything go and feel a little.
I'm still receiving messages today. We played Macmillan Festival on Saturday, a festival I hold particularly close to me, and we were receiving compliments and praise whilst there too. We got played on Kerrang! Radio last week, and Alex Baker was very complimentary towards us. We're in this months issue of Rock Sound. A lot of things are happening at the minute and my brain and body don't really know what to do with it all. I can't explain what I've been feeling for these last few days in any way other than overwhelming. It really has been. I just expected a few "hey the album is cool" from some friends, but what we've actually had has been much more than that, and I honestly can't say thank you enough. This band over the last few months has been incredibly difficult to be a part of. There have been a lot of internal struggles that you haven't seen, a lot of arguments and disagreements, a lot of stress, loss of drive, frustration, depression. But everything we've heard, read and seen since the release has made everything worth it, and in all honesty it's probably saved us. So thank you.
Come and say hello to us at a show. We've got a brand new set to share with y'all.
Thank you for listening to us, thank you for watching us, thank you for talking to us, thank you for everything. Thank you for reading this.
D.S
x
No comments:
Post a Comment